Growing up

As I was making Kenny's bed after changing his sheets, I had to stop and dwell on the fact that he is not a baby anymore.  He has a big boy bed, blanket and pillow, and now has to sleep with a variety of comfort items.  I'm not even sure when all of these things gathered in his bed.  I know for the first 12+ months I followed the safe sleep guidelines and there was nothing in his crib but a sheet and Kenny.  Now there are some nights when it is hard to even find him!  Other mommas, do the milestones get any easier?  Do you always get a little twinge when you realize they just keep getting older?

24 years

I believe this is her Sr picture

When I woke up this morning, I honestly didn't know the date.  I don't know the date most days.  They all seem to run together sometimes.  I spent all morning doing my normal routine.  It wasn't until I went to put something on the calendar that I noticed today is August 13th.  It is a day that doesn't matter to many people, but August 13th is one of the most important day in my life.  24 years ago, my beautiful Mother, Lynne-Helen Eileen Mackey Hunt, passed away from a blood clot following a routine surgery.  I was 8 years old and Kim was 5.  We had just lost my PoPo (my mom's dad) the year earlier and we had moved from our apartment in Northwinds to my grandparents house in Dellwood.  Kim and I were about to start the school year (at a brand new school for me).  I don't remember much about that year.  We went on vacation, like we did every summer.  I assume Kim and I were adjusting to the house.  I really don't even remember much about my mom.  I have forgotten her voice and her laugh. I do remember walking to school with her.   I remember her eyes and her smile.  I always think of her when I smell L'aire du Temps perfume.  I know she didn't really like having her picture taken and was terrified of heights!  We learned that at the Royal Gorge!  I know Kim remembers even less.

My Mom at age 6

This isn't something we remembered every year.  Some years we went to the cemetery but most we didn't.  Kim and I didn't really like going and my dad hated it even more.  As the years passed our lives went on.  Some years I remember her birthday, but most of the time it passes without me remembering.  Maybe this year it is fresh in my mind because I went to the cemetery over Memorial Day weekend.  I am not sure, but when I saw the date, it was like time stopped for a minute.

The last family picture of the 4 of us, taken just a few weeks before she passed away

1984

24 years.  There is only 1 of my close friends (Bridget) that even met my mom and I am sure she barely remembers her.  But I am lucky.  Bridget's mom remembers her.  The people from my church remember her.  My aunt Terri and my Aunt Marsha remember her.  She comes back to me in very surprising ways, like when a lady from my church gave me her old sewing rocker.  My dad had sold it at the church re sell it sale and that lady was cleaning out some things and wanted to give it back.  Just a few days ago I was going through some things and I found her college ID.

While I am sad that I didn't get to have a life with her in it, I am even more saddened that my children don't get to have a life with her in it.  It isn't something I grew up thinking about much over the years.  Sure, I was sad a my graduations, and I really missed her on my wedding day.  My Dad has been a fantastic parent and filled both roles as well as he could and even better.   But, there is something about having kids that changed all of that.   I wish my mom could hold them.  I wish they could love on her.  My babies will never lack in the family department, whether it is blood or bond, but they are missing a grandma.  This anniversary of her death has hit me harder than any of the others.  I wish my mom was here.