Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Worry
*Warning, this is a jumble of my emotions and thoughts.*
I worry! A lot! About everything! I didn't think I was a worrier. I never really used to be. I have always been sort of a hypochondriac, but it was always more in a joking way. "Look at this freckle!" "Do you think it's cancer?" "Oops never mind, it was dirt" That sort of thing.
Then I got pregnant. Lost it. Pregnant 2 more time. Lost them. Pregnant a 4th time! Success! I worried every single day. Complications in my first trimester resulted in weekly ultrasounds. I still worried. Up until the day that my beautiful little boy was born, I worried.
Then I worried about everything with him. Is that a fever, a weird bruise, is he breathing? It took me until he was 6 months old to be able to drive out to Wentzville without reaching back to see if he was still breathing. Every morning that he didn't wake me first, I have a moment of panic. My worries and fears have changed as this year has gone by. But they are still there.
Now the pregnancy worries are back again. I thought having a completely healthy pregnancy would relax me a little. It hasn't. Every cramp, every weird pinch, sends me into a tailspin of panic. On the outside, I think I am playing it cool. Inwardly, I am a wreck! It is crazy and I know it! But I also know of people that made it "this far" and then had the worst thing happen. I know that doesn't mean it will or won't happen to me. I have done an okay job of staying off the internet this time around. I haven't googled everything!
My biggest fear is my check up next week. Travis is leaving that morning and I am so afraid that something won't be ok and he won't be able to come back. Totally irrational, but the thought is still there!
Please someone, tell me how to stop being such a worrywart! I am driving myself crazy, not to mention my poor husband!!!!!
I worry! A lot! About everything! I didn't think I was a worrier. I never really used to be. I have always been sort of a hypochondriac, but it was always more in a joking way. "Look at this freckle!" "Do you think it's cancer?" "Oops never mind, it was dirt" That sort of thing.
Then I got pregnant. Lost it. Pregnant 2 more time. Lost them. Pregnant a 4th time! Success! I worried every single day. Complications in my first trimester resulted in weekly ultrasounds. I still worried. Up until the day that my beautiful little boy was born, I worried.
Then I worried about everything with him. Is that a fever, a weird bruise, is he breathing? It took me until he was 6 months old to be able to drive out to Wentzville without reaching back to see if he was still breathing. Every morning that he didn't wake me first, I have a moment of panic. My worries and fears have changed as this year has gone by. But they are still there.
Now the pregnancy worries are back again. I thought having a completely healthy pregnancy would relax me a little. It hasn't. Every cramp, every weird pinch, sends me into a tailspin of panic. On the outside, I think I am playing it cool. Inwardly, I am a wreck! It is crazy and I know it! But I also know of people that made it "this far" and then had the worst thing happen. I know that doesn't mean it will or won't happen to me. I have done an okay job of staying off the internet this time around. I haven't googled everything!
My biggest fear is my check up next week. Travis is leaving that morning and I am so afraid that something won't be ok and he won't be able to come back. Totally irrational, but the thought is still there!
Please someone, tell me how to stop being such a worrywart! I am driving myself crazy, not to mention my poor husband!!!!!
Monday, June 10, 2013
One year
My baby boy is one! I really can't believe it. One year ago, I became a Momma. The one job I have always wanted to have. 7:31a. I will never forget that time. 7lbs 9 oz. That weight is forever in my memory. We went through a lot to get our Kenny here, but I wouldn't change anything. We have the most perfect baby boy and my life is perfect.
Kenny has learned how to do so much in the last year and we have learned so much from him as well. Travis and I have learned what unconditional love is. We have learned to laugh over the messes, and sleepless nights, and stressful situations. We have leaned on each other and grown with each other as much as our baby boy has grown.
Somedays I still watch Kenny sleep and can't believe he is here. In some ways he is still very much a baby. We still nurse in the morning and night and he still holds my finger while we lay there. When he sleeps he still looks so tiny. He still cuddles and presses his cheek against mine. I love it when he lays his head on my chest.
In other ways, he is so much of a big boy. He is taking his first steps and learning new things. He will watch you do something, like untie a lace, and then he has it figured out. He wants to feed himself and drink out of a big cup. He yells when he doesn't get what he wants. He has amazing fine motor skills.
I just want time to slow down! My baby is growing up way to fast!!
Somedays I still watch Kenny sleep and can't believe he is here. In some ways he is still very much a baby. We still nurse in the morning and night and he still holds my finger while we lay there. When he sleeps he still looks so tiny. He still cuddles and presses his cheek against mine. I love it when he lays his head on my chest.
In other ways, he is so much of a big boy. He is taking his first steps and learning new things. He will watch you do something, like untie a lace, and then he has it figured out. He wants to feed himself and drink out of a big cup. He yells when he doesn't get what he wants. He has amazing fine motor skills.
I just want time to slow down! My baby is growing up way to fast!!
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